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If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else what would you want to know? If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? Take 4 minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? Name three things you and your partner (the person you are dating) appear to have in common?įor what in your life do you feel most grateful? If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?ĭo you have a secret hunch about how you will die? When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? What could constitute a "perfect" day for you? Would you like to be famous? In what way?īefore making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? The research found these 36 questions were more effective than small talk in building closeness in the relationship and may lead to love too. So if you are meeting someone for your first date or wanting to build greater intimacy in a relationship consider giving it a try.
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The couple takes turns asking questions over a period of 90 minutes. The 36 questions are broken up into three sets, with a gradual increase in the intensity of self-disclosure. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable with another person it fosters closeness, “sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure” is fundamental to the development of a close relationship. The idea is that mutual vulnerability through self-disclosure fosters closeness and has an impact on the process of building a relationship. Almost twenty years ago, psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues conducted research to explore whether it was possible to help strangers create closeness and develop a relationship by asking a series of specific personal questions.